Normalizing the Need for Emotional Support

We are raised in a world where we must learn to manage on our own. Any need for help—acknowledged to others or even to ourselves—any moment of vulnerability, awakens what, in Transactional Analysis, we call the “Critical Parent.”

In those moments, we hear in our minds the voices of our Mother, Father, Grandmother, Teacher, or simply society itself, saying: “You’re weak! You can’t handle it!” So, we do everything we can to not “disturb” that Voice: we don’t ask for help, we don’t even admit to ourselves that we’re at our limit, that right NOW things are hard. We project a fantasy that if we do admit it, we’ll remain stuck there forever. We drift away from the HERE and NOW, which constantly changes, and from the reality that always proves to us that change is inevitable.

What if now, as adults, we acknowledged the Critical Parent’s efforts to adapt to these types of messages—and chose differently? What if we looked at our own efforts with compassion and gave ourselves permission to make life easier—if that means saying to a friend, a colleague, or to ourselves: “Right now, I’m struggling. This is hard!” or “Right now I need to vent / to be listened to / for (X),” or even, “I don’t know what I need from you. Let me tell you what’s going on with me.”

The Adult, as defined in TA, acknowledges their authentic needs (even when the Parent ignores, invalidates, or criticizes them) and takes steps toward fulfilling those needs.

And once we do that, the process becomes complete when we also offer recognition—to ourselves and to those who are part of that process.

So I’ll take this opportunity to acknowledge the effort of some key people in my CTA (Certified Transactional Analyst) journey, from whom I received the emotional support I constantly needed:

• Ionuț, my husband, who cheered me on from the sidelines both during good times and when tough decisions had to be made.

• Alexandra, my fellow comrade in “suffering” and enthusiasm, with whom I spent countless hours analyzing, exchanging ideas, testing our realities, or simply getting annoyed, venting, and asking, “Why did we even get ourselves into this?”

• My supervisor, Nicoleta, who guided me professionally and—without intending to—had an incredible personal impact on me.

• My peer supervision group, who helped me uncover many “blind spots” and were critical in my brainstorming process.

• The CTA preparation group (Ioana, you helped me turn “I don’t know how to do this” into “I can do this!”).

• The professionals who accepted to be part of my Mock Exam (a simulation of the oral exam)—you were wonderful, and I learned so much from the experience.

• And, of course, my primary trainer, Dave, from whom I “stole with pride” many techniques and alongside whom I gained deeper clarity on the impact of cultural differences and how to work with them.

  
  

Certainly, many others—trainers, colleagues—contributed indirectly to this process, and I thank them as well.