The Importance of the Therapeutic Relationship

The therapeutic relationship is one of the most powerful tools in the psychotherapy process. A strong, healthy therapeutic alliance between client and therapist is vital for meaningful progress and long-term success.

As psychiatrist and existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom beautifully put it:

"Healing and therapeutic progress happen through the therapist-client relationship: through this connection, unconscious walls are torn down."(Yalom, The Gift of Therapy, 2011)

In some cases, establishing a truly authentic relationship with the therapist becomes the very goal—and sometimes, even the completion—of therapy.Clients who struggle with being in real, emotionally honest relationships (whether they’re single, married, or surrounded by friends) often bring that same difficulty into the therapy room.

An unexpected event can reveal the lack of an authentic relationship—even when things seem “fine” on the surface.

For instance: missing a session without notice, and avoiding responsibility for it, might be a reflection of how the client handles commitment in other relationships.Do they take responsibility?Or do they dismiss or invalidate the feelings and needs of those they’re close to?

In therapy, such an incident becomes a moment for exploration. The therapist and client discuss not only the event, but its emotional impact on both sides. Through this, unconscious motives or fears can surface, and irrational justifications can be gently brought into awareness.

Let’s say a client misses a session because their car was blocked in the parking lot.Coincidentally, they had planned to open up in that session about a painful, previously untouched topic.

On the surface, it just seems like bad luck.But unconsciously, the night before, they chose to park the car in a new spot—perhaps hoping, without realizing it, that an obstacle would arise and offer them an “out.”It makes no logical sense, and yet this is how the unconscious sometimes works.

Many clients come to therapy with the belief that they are “too much.”

“You weren’t expecting this much chaos, were you?”

Others rush to tell me everything—the entire story of their life, as if trying to justify their presence in the room.

Every client has a unique story, shaped by meaningful past experiences.But even so—the story will always be secondary.

What truly matters is the process of the client: their emotional world, what they are experiencing in the moment, and what it means to them.

It’s not about what happens—It’s about how it happens, and what the client experiences as it unfolds.

So, how does the act of telling me their story change the meaning of what happened?That question—that moment of connection—is where healing can begin.