What Happens After “Goodbye”?

Therapy is a process in which a client–therapist relationship is established — a therapeutic relationship. This relationship will, in many ways, resemble other relationships in the client’s life.

The key difference is that here, there is a clear contract, and the shared goal is the client’s well-being. There is also extensive research showing that the nature and quality of the therapeutic relationship is central to effective therapy.

Like any other relationship, the therapeutic one also comes to an end.

As therapists, we hope that every client relationship concludes in a healthy way.

In day-to-day life, very few relationships end this way. Unconsciously, we tend to “hold on,” to preserve — even when something no longer serves us — whether it’s an object, a relationship, a behavior, or an emotional state we’re attached to. How often do we stay in limiting relationships, just for the sake of reliving something from the past?

In therapy, we experience — together with our clients — sadness, loss, anger, but also the joy of change, and finally, the excitement of closure. The ending is viewed through the lens of grief over the loss of a relationship or a pattern, and it’s completely normal to feel that way.

When therapeutic goals have been met, and both client and therapist agree that their work (at least for now) has come to an end, and the process of exploration seems to have plateaued, the decision to end therapy can become a conscious risk — an act of stepping into the world from a new position: that of the Integrated Adult (Erskine, 1988).

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